Thursday, June 12, 2008

This is me. My life is no where near perfect and no where near were I thought I would be at this point in my life. I have come to lean on people more and more with every day. I have changed so much in the past couple years. I love how independent I have become, but I miss how nice and carefree I use to be. I miss the days when I would not expect the worse or would just go with the flow. After the past six years, I am AMAZED at everything I have gone through and know that without HIS hand guiding me, I would not have made it. I have also learned how strong I am, even when I think I am not. The past two years have put me into an hard situation. We all know Duane and my love for him. He is not only my love, but he is one of my BEST friends. When he leaves, I am not sure how easy it will be to not have him to lean on. My last piece of Justin will be gone. My rock when life comes down will be on the other side of the country. I know I have great friends still and they know who they are. I know they will still be there, but it doesn't mean it won't hurt and I won't be crushed. I want to be able to sit with him one day and hear all about LA and Kim and not have it break my heart. I play the "its ok, tell me about it" card, but with every word off his lips, my heart just hurts. I never wanted to marry him, nor did I ever think we would last this long, but I have come to love and adore his friendship, and thats what I am most scared of losing.