Sunday, October 12, 2008

How Firm Thy Friendship...

Wow. It has been a while since I have posted. I am letting this become my open diary. Everyone says I have fallen off since DA left, and I know I have. But some of the people I thought would be there for me have dipped off. I mean it is what it is, but it just a hard thing to go through. I want to trust anyone. I want to believe that you can put faith into every person, but I have learned that it is not true. Now don't take this as negativity, but I always give benefit of the doubt, but I just don't put my heart into things until it has been a while. I have a lot of "friends", but I really know who my true friends are. The ones who will stand by no matter what, drop everything if I need them and do things they aren't so crazy about just to make me smile. And I think they all know that I would do the same for them. Friends is a lose term for me, but my BESTEST know who they are :)

School is going good. I absolutely LOVE my Thursday night group!! I am ready for my student teaching part to be here. Started a new a job at Westland Children's Academy. It is going pretty good. Not the biggest fan of my Co, but we shall see what happens.

Still missing DA. Waiting for that to get easier. Still talk to him just about every day. Been to the FF fields the past two weekends too, missing those lazy Sundays. Waking up, watching Sport Reporters then heading to the fields for at least two games then grilling out and watching some CSI or Law & Order. Its hard to walk away when it was just so routine. Its almost like part of my life dropped off when he left. DA will be coming this weekend for about 48 hours. Not sure if we are going to catch up or not. He says we will, but I don't hold my breath. Cali is going great for him and it seems that he is really happy.

I need of a good girls vacay. A cruise sounds great!! Christa and I are talking about maybe Vegas for our 25th bday! Shall see how that goes. For now - xx

Sunday, August 10, 2008

Did I miss something?

SOO much going on in my life right now. If you know me, you know probably part of it. My heart is broken and part of it is on the west coast. I'm slowly getting it back, but every day makes me miss him more and more. I thought it was suppose to get less and less, but I'm not there yet. It seems to be that a lot of people I know are falling into where they want their lives to be, and I am still trying to figure mine out. I know I am not the only one who feels this way, and I know of some of my friends who are at a point in their life where they aren't sure were the next step is either.

My list of things I want to do before I am 30 is in need of an update and some thoughts. Still want to move out to the west coast for a couple of years after I finish my schooling next year. Registered at LMU for classes last week. Start that up next Saturday. Looking forward for the year to go fast. My student internship will be next fall, then there are 5 classes to take and I will be certified to teach as well as have my masters completed.

Fitness wise, I am trying to get that to be my main focus. I need it for my own health, but the adrenaline rush you receive is amazing when you complete something. Did my first triathlon yesterday, well kinda. Messed up my MCL last week, so after the 200m swim and 15K bike, my knee was shot so I did not complete the run. But the girls I trained with, Lauren and Janelle, kicked ASS!!

Besides that, I just needed to get some thoughts out of my head. SO much going on. I will keep you posted! xx

Thursday, June 12, 2008

This is me. My life is no where near perfect and no where near were I thought I would be at this point in my life. I have come to lean on people more and more with every day. I have changed so much in the past couple years. I love how independent I have become, but I miss how nice and carefree I use to be. I miss the days when I would not expect the worse or would just go with the flow. After the past six years, I am AMAZED at everything I have gone through and know that without HIS hand guiding me, I would not have made it. I have also learned how strong I am, even when I think I am not. The past two years have put me into an hard situation. We all know Duane and my love for him. He is not only my love, but he is one of my BEST friends. When he leaves, I am not sure how easy it will be to not have him to lean on. My last piece of Justin will be gone. My rock when life comes down will be on the other side of the country. I know I have great friends still and they know who they are. I know they will still be there, but it doesn't mean it won't hurt and I won't be crushed. I want to be able to sit with him one day and hear all about LA and Kim and not have it break my heart. I play the "its ok, tell me about it" card, but with every word off his lips, my heart just hurts. I never wanted to marry him, nor did I ever think we would last this long, but I have come to love and adore his friendship, and thats what I am most scared of losing.